Greatest (Reality) Show Ever

And they give you instructions (videos!) on how to kick peoples asses if you didn't know already. Yeah, the Contender is real too, but its boxing for christs sake. Big ol padded gloves. Knee strikes and submission holds and take downs beat that shit anyday. Shoulda seen the guy with 2 black eyes and a purple forehead (from knee strikes cuz he was dumb enough to put his head down a lot).

Jesus Has Left The Building

Spring break is over, not that it matters or could go anywhere. Really, spring break is a creation of dumb rich white kids getting laid in a pseudo third world country (Cancun is not Mexico, it's a fuckin Daytona Beach with beans, rice and tortillas) with their parents credit to blow. I used to love spring break ( and summer) when I lived in a college town. Its like someone pulled the plug and drained all the shit outta the tub, even if for a week or so (summer was better 'cause all the bars would have cheap ass drinks just to get whatever kids and locals around into the place.)

Easter sucked cause I worked alone and had a flat on the way home. Of course my spare was low and the bike pump wouldn't do shit to fill it up. So I limped home with a half filled tire (not tyre) from Chicago/Milwaukee/Odgen to home in the bike lane. Which sucks if you don't know, not that anybody who wouldn't reads this, if anybody.

Went to Sahar on Division for a 30pk and ended at Foot. Shots o Jaeger and PBR. Hope you find your own Foot down there Chad. Had to tell people that you were sick yer last week, couldn't do any real last hurrah. So there may be a welcome back/goodbye party in the future.

Time to pee.

Playing Catchup

Well, finally have internet and cable back (jag-off repairman cut cables when cleaning up loose cables that fell down from wind the other day). Seem whenever there is cable work someone in the building looses their cable.

Yahoo Groups SUCKS now. Or maybe its me. Before, you coul read posts like a book (when you expand messages), top to bottom. Now you have to go to the bottom and read up, fuckin crazy.

Z quit her job at the art store. Over the phone. From the bar. Drunk.
God I love her. Turns out her boss screwed her over (no raise and cut hours) and isn't doing anything about the junkie (who shoots up at work) working there. Lakeview Art Supply hires herion addicts (who shoot up during work). Think I'll go with her to get her last check, with a tire iron in my hand.

Exit was cool. Abe getting whipped, seeing off Chad (not crazy enough 'cause of sickness) and almost closing the bar with Z (2 day bender for her, whoo hoo!). Ahh, these are the days.

Sam I Am Green Eggs and Ham....

Or however that goes.
Talking Legend and Tim Curry, Blade Runner and mustaches.
Arrgh!

Oops, There Goes My Beer

Found on the Minnescoota Discussion Board :
How To Wash Your Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so he cannot escape). NOTE: THE CAT WILL SELF AGITATE AND MAKE AMPLE SUDS. NEVER MIND THE NOISES THAT COME FROM THE TOILET, THE CAT IS ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can. Quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Yeah, it's 3am, and I almost blew beer out my nose onto my keyboard cuz its scoot discussion bboard. Look at some of the other crap and its almost as bad as ChiScootlist.

Joke O' The Day II

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

Intro to Basic General 101 Crap

Last week before spring break. Whoo hoo. Work don't got spring break (but you do get vacation time, if you have the chance to take, it unless you blow it on days you called off drunk or rally weekends, wait a minute, that's the same thing). Thats why it's called work. Else it'd be called school. Now I remember why school was good, work bad.
So my midterm test for my women studies social science (like I knew) class was a joke. Really. The teacher left the room not even 5 minutes into the test and everybody in the class was asking out loud for answers. 40 questions on Scantron, not a brain melter. Of the couple of guys in the class, the other white boy and I looked at each other across the room and laughed.
I guess City colleges are a warm up for the next step in higher education, community college. Sad.

Shit

Ooh yeah, going to Target for shower curtains and bath mats and dish drainers and on my bike in 27 degree weather was keen. Then financial plans and money talk about wedding shit and future goals and credit cards. Then find out my Uncle busted his knee on snow and ice yesterday (not a young man mind you) and is due for surgery in the am. Which means hes out of work for two months and may not make it to the Shindig.
I shoulda just kept on drinkling when i got up.

Shit

Ooh yeah, going to Target for shower curtains and bath mats and dish drainers and on my bike in 27 degree weather was keen. Then financial plans and money talk about wedding shit and future goals and credit cards. Then find out my Uncle busted his knee on snow and ice yesterday (not a young man mind you) and is due for surgery in the am. Which means hes out of work for two months and may not make it to the Shindig.
I shoulda just kept on drinkling when i got up.

Joke Of the Day

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes."
"Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be shit outta luck if he needed glasses."

Best O' Luck

Sorry for not being out every nite and weekend.

Got long term shit to take care of, but better off now than I could have been, you know that.

Gotta shit load on my own plate this summer, but will try to carry the torch as best I can.

Don't worry, you got till next winter to get a pad big enough for us to crash/fuck/puke on.

Will find out the shipping rate for 30 packs of OS.

Like you said, New Orleans ain't that far. I gots' the hotel hookup, and we can drink 24/7.

Goodtimes on the horizon Bro.

Every year you get older, they stay the same age.

Keep the faithless.

Red White and Blew

Thanks to Ron and Rye and this weekend for the werk.
And Beeb, too.

Maybe 20 hours sleep combined over the past 4-5 days.

60+ temps followed by teens = sickness, fo sho.

White rum, Blue Curacao, and Redbull rock.
Then again, you could piss shit in a pint of redbull and people would drink it.
But Chuck wouldn't make it.

Little after 5am. Work at 7am, cat nap? Or just go straight thru?

Got a bladder (CamelBak type water pouch for the back pack) full o' PBR and more than enough Red Headded Sluts (the drink) to get by. Gonna forgo the whiskey (TROUBLE!).

Uggh. Hopefully this should come out ok.